


Rain Drops on Roses

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Meddling, Minor Bucky Barnes/ Sam Wilson, Protective Rhodey, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Sassy Tony Stark, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Vampire!Rhodey, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:19:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wait, you’re a vampire? Aren’t they supposed to be pale?” he asks and Rhodey pulls back, uncaring that he probably just wounded this idiot human.</p><p>“You racist motherfucker,” Rhodey says, half tempted to smack the guy’s head off the wall for that. </p><p>His dinner squints, “what? It’s not my fault pop culture has taught me that vampirism is only for white people. Wait- was that what made me racist or was it the vampire thing? Or wait, no, that’s a species so I’d be speciisissts,” he says, slurring ‘speciest’ hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain Drops on Roses

Rhodey’s been alive a long time so by now not much threw him for a loop. That didn’t stop one Tony Stark from managing to consistently confuse the hell out of him at every turn.

They met when Rhodey was particularly hungry, it had been over a month since he last fed and he needed some food before he ate the nearest thing with a pulse. Unfortunately for him he also happened to be on the other side of the city from where the local ‘blood bank’ was. The humans there knew about vampires and offered up their blood willingly. Ethical vampirism, very important to the vampires who weren’t interested in hurting the food source. Rhodey was convinced the movement that pushed for that was largely comprised of former vegetarians and vegans but he had no evidence for that.

So instead of going to the local food bank he resorts to ‘savagery’, which was otherwise known as being a fucking vampire, and snatched some random drunk dude off the street. He hoped to hell this guy wasn’t drunk enough to get Rhodey drunk off his blood, he hated when that happened. Thankfully the humans he usually munched on had to take drug tests and weren’t permitted to drink within twenty four hours of donating their time. He really should listen to the hunger pangs before they got too strong but here he was, doing his creepy vampire thing, and the human wasn’t even fighting it.

Well he guessed that he could be lucky he didn’t snatch a screamer, those were unpleasant in general but in the day and age of cell phones and videotaping fucking _everything_ Rhodey was not interested in being filmed with dinner. He leans into the guys neck and his dinner snorts, “dude, if you wanted neck in the ally you could have just asked,” he says.

Rhodey rolls his eyes, “shut up,” he tells the random human before going back to his previous task; getting some fucking dinner. Of course as soon as his fangs hit the guy’s neck he has more to say.

“Wait, you’re a _vampire_? Aren’t they supposed to be pale?” he asks and Rhodey pulls back, uncaring that he probably just wounded this idiot human.

“You racist motherfucker,” Rhodey says, half tempted to smack the guy’s head off the wall for that.

His dinner squints, “what? It’s not my fault pop culture has taught me that vampirism is only for white people. Wait- was that what made me racist or was it the vampire thing? Or wait, no, that’s a species so I’d be speciisissts,” he says, slurring ‘speciest’ hard.

“I will have you know that vampires come in _all_ races and are not pale, some priests made that shit up. And while we’re at it fat vampires also exist, and basically any other kind of vampire that doesn’t ascribe to the pale angsty bullshit white people love tropes you dumbasses love so much. Now tilt your idiot head to the side so I can some dinner,” he instructs, flicking the human’s ear.

“Next time you want a meal buy me a drink first, I’d be much more cooperative,” he says but he tilts his head to the side like instructed.

“You don’t need any more alcohol, you’re wasted. Now shut up and let me eat in peace,” he says, carefully tilting the human’s head to the right angle to cause the least amount of pain. Thankfully the human tastes lovely, better than Rhodey would have expected considering the circumstances, and they both go on their merry way.

*

The next time Rhodey sees the idiot human he’s on a date with a pretty human woman his friends had been trying to set him up with for months. Personally Rhodey could have done without but Sam and Bucky weren’t relenting any time soon and if he had to be subject to Sam’s eyebrow wiggling one more time he was shaving them off. The idiot human happens to be their waiter and he looks absolutely _enthused_ that Rhodey, someone he knew to be a vampire, was doing _human_ things.

And the guy could not resist the damn vampire puns either.

Finally Rhodey excuses himself to go deal with the stupid human.

*

Tony doesn’t expect to be snatched right out of the kitchen but he figures why not, adventures with a vampire sounds like fun, damnit. “So man, is this a dinner date or a _dinner_ date?” he asks, much to the vampire’s annoyance. According to the woman he was with his name was Jim but that didn’t suit the guy at _all_ so Tony was refusing to call him that.

“I’m going to kill you,” the guy says, deadpan.

“Aww, but honeybee, where’s the fun in that?” he asks, grinning.

“The fun is in snapping your neck,” the vampire says. Tony tilts his head to the side, fully prepared with another witty comment but his vampire friend’s eyes drift down to the bandage currently covering the side of his neck. He had felt fine when he stumbled home but shit, the next day his neck was a _mess_ , he couldn’t go to work like that. And it wasn’t like he could skip work, maybe in another life he was a rich asshole but in this one he was stuck busting his balls to get through MIT and that was with a full-ride scholarship. Granted he probably didn’t _need_ the PhD, he’s a genius and talk around his inventions was becoming a bigger thing now, but it looked good. He also still needed enough money to live and start his own company so.

“You think I taste good,” Tony says excitedly, “I taste good to vampires!” Pepper would probably tell him that that wasn’t fucking good but Tony couldn’t help but be excited. He was also excited that his suspicions that his roommate was a vampire were probably true because they _exist_. He wondered if he could get Rumlow evicted for that. Was that discrimination? Probably. But Rumlow is a total asshole so Tony didn’t feel too guilty about not wanting to room with a vampire. Or at least not _that_ vampire. He wasn’t opposed to rooming with other vampires, like the one that was currently looking at him like he was done with Tony’s whole existence.

Actually he kind of wanted to share a _bed_ with the guy, but he wouldn’t be opposed to sharing a place either. At this point he’d rather room with a vicious pit bull than Rumlow.

“Vampires all have different tastes, just like humans, so _vampire_ thinks you taste good, not vampire _s_ plural. And yes, you taste surprisingly good, now stop ruining my date,” he says, crossing his arms.

Tony grins, “I’ll stop with the vampire puns if you tell me your name,” he says.

“I’m sure you’ve already gathered a name from my date so that’s a pointless bargaining chip,” his lovely vampire friend points out.

“Judging from your near unresponsiveness to the name ‘Jim’ I doubt people call you that. New alias? Are vampires immortal? Oh my god, you’ve been eating garlic, you’re going to die!” Tony says, burying his hands in his hair because _oh my god_ , he should have thought of that _before_ he nearly killed this guy!

“Calm the fuck down, the garlic thing is bullshit, I actually love garlic so don’t get your panties in a twist. Vampires are basically immortal, and my friends call me Rhodey, now stop ruining my date,” Rhodey says. Tony agrees to the terms but he absolutely does not stop making hilarious vampire puns. Rhodey threatens to skin him alive and his date leaves while Tony cackles.

*

Sam and Bucky are doing some weird bonding thing wherein they wiggle around excitedly about something they shouldn’t care about. This time it was Rhodey’s love life, or lack thereof, and how he had found some ‘special human’. That human was not special he was an asshole and Rhodey was not fond.

“You _like_ him,” Sam accuses. Bucky squeals and jumps around like a fool, Sam joining him shortly thereafter. Rhodey was so done with the pair of them but they were great friends and good people, even if they drove him nuts.

“I do not like some random human I’ve happened to run into twice,” he says logically. Sure, the human was pretty tasty, and sure Rhodey might appreciate his humor when not having his night out being ruined by said humor, and yeah, the guy was attractive. But he felt the same way about Bucky and Sam both, didn’t mean he was interested in either one of them, it meant his senses were working.

“Do so, I can sense it,” Bucky says excitedly. Sam throws his arms around Bucky and the two continue jumping around in their excitement. Rhodey thought they were _far_ to invested in his love life.

*

The next time Tony sees Rhodey he’s on his back between some seriously hot guys he managed to score a one night stand with the night before. The surprise vampire thing was, well, a surprise but they were nice about it and Tony wasn’t one to turn down a new sexual experience.

“What the hell are you doing in there?” he asks, looking surprisingly offended at Tony’s presence in someone else’s bed.

“Well I was sleeping before I was so rudely interrupted,” Tony says, wrinkling his nose and categorizing his wounds. He was probably covered head to toe in bruises.

The two guys he was with sit up suddenly, looking excited, “the special human!” they say in sync.

“The what?” Tony asks.

“You two slept with my special human?” Rhodey asks, offended.

“You admitted he was special!” the one with the long hair says. Hmm, that had been nice to pull.

“He isn’t special, now get him out of your bed you assholes.” Tony snorts at this before rolling over and falling asleep.

When he wakes up sometime later it’s because he could smell food and that was a sure-fire way to get him up and moving. He pulls himself out of bed gingerly and cleans himself up in the bathroom first, he looked like an even bigger mess than he was expecting, and finds his clothes. That last bit was probably at least slightly unnecessary considering almost everyone had already seen him naked but he figured he’d save Rhodey an eyeful.

“He took the news that vampires exist very well,” the guy with the longer hair says, perched in his lover’s lap.

“I already knew, Rhodey made a meal out of me a few weeks ago,” Tony says casually, like talking about random supernatural creatures existing was a regular thing. Truth be told he’s had plenty of hints that humans weren’t the only things kicking around but Rhodey had been confirmation.

The two lovers squeal and wiggle around in excitement, “he is so a special human you have to keep him!” they say in sync.

“I am not keeping him after you two laid claim in _every_ way possible. Is there an artery you two _didn’t_ get to?” Rhodey asks, unimpressed.

“Well fine then, I don’t want you either, I’ll stick with your friends because they at least respect me in the morning,” Tony says, nose in the air.

“Shut up and eat your eggs,” Rhodey says, shoving a plate into Tony’s hands.

*

Tony’s on the way back from the bank, business loan secure, and feeling good about things when he runs into Rhodey again. “Hey, you, human, help a guy out,” he says from around the corner of an ally way. Way to meet the stereotypes, though Tony doesn’t say anything about that.

“Oh no no, you don’t get to insult my virtue and then ask for me help,” Tony says, sticking his nose in the air petulantly.

“Oh my god, let that go. I need some blood or I’m about to get super crispy,” Rhodey says, eyeing the sunny spot in front of him wearily.

“You’ll burn?” Tony asks, frowning.

Rhodey rolls his eyes in a way that Tony thought was far more exaggerated than necessary, “yes, I’m black, and I burn. Now get your skinny white ass over here and help a guy out.”

“That… no, that was a vampire thing, not a race thing. I know black people can burn; I’m not an idiot. And no, you can fry! My arteries weren’t good enough four days ago, they aren’t good enough now,” Tony says petulantly.

“For fucks sakes I am not going to suffer with being extra crispy because of some asshole human who got their feelings hurt, get the hell over here,” Rhodey snaps, stamping his foot.

“How old are you? Six?” Tony guesses.

“Hundred, are you going to get over here or am I going to have to brave the sun to get you over here?” Rhodey asks.

“You’re six hundred years old?” Tony all but yells.

“Jesus fuck keep your voice down and get over here,” Rhodey hisses at him, “and no, I’m only three hundred.”

“Only?” Tony asks, sparing a glace behind him that revealed this street wasn’t very busy. Well, there were worse ways to go than death by vampire, assuming Rhodey killed him. He didn’t seem the type, but you know, he was a vampire and he didn’t want to pull a Bella Swan and assume that didn’t matter.

Rhodey seems relieved that Tony wanders closer, “yes only, that’s pretty young for vampires. Sam is five hundred and Bucky… actually Bucky’s only ninety, Sam’s robbing the cradle.”

“Wow, if ninety is robbing the cradle I can’t imagine what twenty seven’ll make you,” Tony says, snickering.

“Robbing the uterus. Now tilt your head to the side, a little more, oh for gods sakes if you want anything done right you have to do it yourself,” Rhodey mumbles, tilting Tony’s head himself.

Considering vampire bites were, well, _bites_ , they actually felt kind of nice. That had been one hell of an interesting sexual experience with Bucky and Sam, whom he actually got names for by the time he left well fed. Just a bite was plenty pleasurable enough too, if Rhodey’s second bite was any indication. Well, maybe not _pleasurable_ per se, but… pleasant. Maybe that was because he was secretly a romantic and he liked the way Rhodey held him.

He needed to be flogged for that thought.

*

Sam and Bucky make it their fucking _mission_ to get Tony and Rhodey together because they were meant to be. The sass the two produced alone was enough to prove that they were clearly soul mates, all soul mates produced obscene levels of sass, but the way they politely refused to spend any time with each other despite being interested confirmed it.

That was basically Bucky and Sam’s love story in a nutshell so they were obviously experts. Tony and Rhodey were damn stubborn though, so they had to work extra hard to get them to spend time together outside of feeding. “Honestly if he wanted a blood bunny we could have hooked him up,” Sam says, irritated with Rhodey’s being too stubborn.

“But he doesn’t, he just refused to accept his feelings for Tony,” Bucky points out, “so should we tell him about Tony’s horrible roommate? Think that’ll get him to White Knight him and then move in and live happily ever after?” Bucky asks.

“No, why the hell would that work?” Sam asks, frowning.

“It worked on you,” Bucky points out.

“Okay but Jasper Sitwell had to go.”

*

Tony finds Rhodey in his apartment sitting at the lonesome table with a single bulb hanging over it turned on. The whole thing felt very mobster and honestly Tony had no clue how to react here. “Your roommate won’t be bothering you anymore,” Rhodey says ominously.

“Uhh, and that means?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow.

“That means he best be fleeing the fucking country because if I find him lurking around he’s going to regret that,” Rhodey says.

“I… kind of need him to pay half the rent man, I can’t afford to live here alone. I mean thanks I guess but you’ve kinda fucked me and not in the fun way,” Tony points out. Sure, he hated Rumlow, and if he never had to deal with the guy’s inappropriate, lewd comments and thinly veiled abuse ever again it’d be too soon but he still needed his income.

“Well than I guess it’s a good thing that Sam and Bucky kicked me out so I need a place and Rumlow’s room is free,” Rhodey says.

Tony considers all the weird coincidences that had to have happened in the universe to lead up to this specific moment in time in which Tony accepted that his new roommate was a fucking vampire. “You better like Desperate Housewives,” Tony says, “because I’m marathoning it tonight.”

*

It takes a week of spying and meddling on Sam and Bucky’s end to finally, _finally_ , get those idiots together. And they had to consult Natasha twice for advice, and on one memorable occasion Steve. They quickly decided after Steve’s morally upstanding ‘You Leave Them Alone’ speech they were never asking him for advice again. They both love him but he didn’t understand, Rhodey and Tony were meant to be together, they just needed a gentle nudge to persuade them to take the leap.

Nat’s advice had been golden though and now Rhodey and Tony were curled up under a blanket with popcorn watching some t.v show together. They were fucking adorable and Bucky and Sam both felt that they were owed a thanks for their efforts.

*

Rhodey was great, actually. Pepper had noticed him in Tony’s life before Tony even mentioned him he had that much of an affect.

“There must be _something_ new in your life,” Pepper says, taking a sip of her tea with a surprising amount of class considering the tea was in a mason jar.

“Just the roommate,” Tony says vaguely. He was pretty sure they were more than that but he had no idea what to call it and he didn’t want to pressure Rhodey.

“A roommate that makes sure you eat regularly, that you don’t go out too much, and sleep on a regular basis?” Pepper asks, eyebrow raised, “did you move in with a grandmother?”

Tony wrinkles his nose hard at that because _ew_ , Rhodey was not his grandmother. “No, I did not move in with an elderly woman who has come to consider me her grandbaby, Pep, that’s weird.”

“No, what’s weird is the sheer amount of hickies you have at any one time, is your new roommate a leech?” she asks, squinting at his neck. He had taken to wearing scarves lately and the look really wasn’t for him. Some guys looked hot rocking the scarf look but Tony looked like he was trying to hide his neck intentionally, which he was to be fair.

“What makes you think those are from the roommate?” Tony asks logically. They could come from anywhere, he was well known for sleeping around, it stood to reason they came from a fun night out.

“The fact that you haven’t been out past one in the morning since sometime last month, and when you’re out that late you’re always in your lab on campus. So clearly those hickies are not coming from one-night stands. How long have you been dating?” Pepper asks.

Tony could deny it but Pep would only push more so he says they’ve been dating for a few weeks. “You moved in with him after a few _weeks_?” Pepper asks, squinting at him suspiciously, “you best hope this doesn’t end badly. And how did you convince Rumlow to go?” she asks.

“No clue, Rhodey managed to get him out and I wasn’t going to ask. And we’ve known each other longer than a few weeks, Pep, jeeze.” Rumlow hadn’t even sent for his shit and Tony was more than happy to take all his food, his game systems, and his soft sheets. He also found a few money stashes around his room too and he was so keeping the cash as emotional trauma money. He also needed a few things for his latest project and he figured Rumlow could fund it; it served him right for making Tony feel so uncomfortable in his own home anyways.

“Oh? Well how long have you known each other than, a few years?” Pep asks, obviously sensing the weakness in Tony’s argument.

He sighs, “a few months,” he admits.

“You moved in with someone after knowing them a few _months_? And honestly, what is this guy, a _vampire_? Tell him to leave your neck be,” Pepper snaps, clearly irritated with Tony’s stupidity.

*

After telling Pepper about Rhodey had gone horribly he expected them meeting to go just as badly but it turned out that they got along famously. Pepper even liked Sam and Bucky too.

*

Tony stretches himself out on the couch, his head in Rhodey’s lap and his feet dangling over the edge while they watched Gilmore Girls. Rhodey pets his hair while Tony makes soft noises of contentment. He hadn’t even known that was a thing he enjoyed until Rhodey had come along, then he didn’t much know that he liked being vampire food either so.

“Would you be offended if I was offended if you ate someone else? I feel like that’s a weird thing to be jealous of, is that normal or am I just crazy?” Tony asks, tipping his head back to look at Rhodey.

“No Tony, that’s not weird. When vampires feed on one human for awhile they develop a connection to them, which is why we’re always supposed to choose a different human at blood banks. And I haven’t fed off anyone else for awhile anyways, I’d feel bad,” he says, gently running his fingers through Tony’s hair.

“Oh, okay, good. Can we get a cat?” he asks.

“Sam and Bucky just got a cat, we can go steal their cat for all the trouble they put us through playing matchmaker,” Rhodey tells him.

“Funny you say that because that was totally my plan,” Tony says, grinning.

“And this is why we’re good together. A couple that steals cats together stays together,” Rhodey says and Tony laughs.

*

“By the way,” Rhodey says a few week after they had stolen Sam and Bucky’s beautiful calico cat, “Twilight.”

Tony sighs, “I know honeybun, you don’t sparkle in the sunlight, you don’t stalk people, blood isn’t heroin, and you have no interest in dating children. You’re pushing it with me but clearly I’m just that lovable,” he says, grinning over his shoulder at his lover.

Rhodey sighs deeply because that was one of the vampire representations he was the least pleased with, True Blood taking place number two with the whole synthetic blood thing. Vampires cannot be vegetarians, the idea was absurd. That was also an issue he had with Twilight but because they used actual blood he relented.

“Be that as it may, there was a black vampire in there, the one that tried to eat the skinny white girl. You have no excuse for thinking vampires are all pale, you shithead,” Rhodey tells him, tugging on a few strands of his hair, “and yes, you’re very lovable. Even if you’re basically a fetus.”

“Okay but the vampires were vegetarians, I figured if vampires were real they didn’t follow that particular canon. And I’m not a fetus! I’m an adult male!” Tony says, offended.

“You were right but there were black vampires that were very much _not_ pale so your excuses are dwindling, sweetie. And _trust_ me, when you get to be my age you’ll realize you’re basically a fetus. An amazing, very mature, incredibly intelligent, and very sexy… I am not going to follow sexy with fetus, that’s just wrong. But you get the point,” Rhodey says, dropping his hands onto Tony’s shoulders and massaging them.

 _Damn_ that felt amazing. “I’m not sure if you remember, but human life spans are really short compared to yours, honeybee, I’ll _long_ dead by the time I hit three hundred.” In the meantime he’d enjoy what he had with Rhodey because it was sort of painful to think about their future otherwise. Rhodey liked to complain that old while people looked like wrinkly old prunes and honestly he was right, so Tony didn’t expect him to stick around until Tony himself was a wrinkly old prune.

“Nah, I’ll turn you in a few years and we can get old together Sam and Bucky style. I mean it worked out for Sam and he turned Bucky in the nineteen twenties so I figure you’ll turn out okay. I’ll ask you about twenty seven year olds when you’re my age, you’ll agree that you’ve barely escaped the placenta,” Rhodey says.

Tony perks up because _what_? “You can turn people? How?” he asks, abandoning the fetus talk.

“You’ll see in a few years,” Rhodey tells him.

“But I wanna see now,” Tony says.

“In a few years.”

Tony pouts, “Rhodeeeeeeeey,” he whines.

“Is this supposed to prove that you aren’t a fetus?” Rhodey asks.


End file.
